Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Hey Folks! Happy “Drown your significant other in red and pink while drowning yourself in debt” Day – more commonly known as Valentine’s Day! 

I mean, if we’re keeping it real, your special someone should show you how much you’re adored all 365 days of the​ year, amirite? But that’s the thing about relationships. What should be obvious isn’t always. Platonic relationships/friendships aren’t that different from romantic/intimate relationships. 

Both require effort

Both require open communication

Both require self-reflection/emotional development 

I started reevaluating my friendships back in 2016 after the election. Talk about a reality check. No one wants to scan their contacts and wonder if that person is a raging racist. Do they believe all Mexicans are rapists? Would they respect someone who mocks the disabled? Are they totally on board with a man accused of multiple sexual assaults being the leader of the free world? Sadly, I learned people I trusted and thought highly of claimed to be allies of marginalized communities yet fully committed to the Trump brand. I have no desire to keep space in my life for people like that.

​When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time.  ― Maya Angelou  

One thing 2020 taught me is that relationships are like the NYC transit system. Unpredictable. You should always have a backup plan. Some relationships will endure through the toughest of times, and others will crumble. Sometimes you have to take a step back and let them die. It’s taken me a long time to reach that conclusion. The COVID-19 pandemic put a strain on many of my relationships already on their last leg, and I let them go with ease. I much preferred to Marie Kondo my life and “tidy up.” 

Think about the people in your life you consider friends. Do they bring you joy? Do they uplift you? Push you to be your best self? Rally around you when you need to vent about little things? Support you in all your kooky endeavors? Communicate and tell you things you don’t want to hear even when you need to hear them? Friendships should be reciprocal. If you’re always reaching out and providing support, but you don’t get it in return, ask yourself why. Are your feelings any less important? Why are you there for others, but they’re never there for you? 

On a day when we’re supposed to celebrate love, I ask that you reassess your relationships. Make a conscious effort to love yourself better by making space for people who genuinely love and support you. You deserve it.

Till next time…💖


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